BLOG CORER: THE CHILD CARE DEBATE

I often notice that the subject of how much involvement grandparents should have with their grandchildren, appears on some social media platforms and  triggers many different responses.

This is a hugely debatable subject and there is no  correct answer.

Grandparents are the parents of the parents of a child,  known as their grandchild.

Potentially there may be four, the parents of the child`s mother and also of  its father.

There are some variations, as a child may only have one grandmother or grandfather due to family circumstances such as divorce, death or the absence of one parent, or they may not have any living grandparents.There are also an increasing number of step grandparents due to second marriages.

Many families live close to one another, so interaction between grandparents and grandchildren is a frequent and a positive natural thing.

Others may live miles apart or even in a different country, so communication is much more difficult.

At one time, and in some other countries, grandparenting was  seen as a natural progression and part of  extended family life.

Women did work, but not in the sense that they do today with varied career choices.

Their work was of a largely unpaid domestic nature as they often had large families to look after together with   practical work and perhaps caring for  an elderly relative, who was also part of the extended family.

Some help from a grandparent to look after a child of such a family was welcomed and seen as a natural part of family life, and had benefits for all concerned.

Today, it is not quite as clear cut, and there are some very valid reasons why one size does not fit all.

Take grandmothers for example, as they seem to figure more in childcare than grandfathers, (although grandfathers also contribute greatly).

Most will have raised a family of their own, and had a working life with all the juggling which that entails.

They may now be retired with a bit of  flexible time on their hands, and wish to enjoy life and have the freedom to do things which were not possible  whilst working.

In general, grandparents are overjoyed when their children produce babies, and can`t wait to become involved with them.

This may be on a regular or irregular basis.

When a grandchild is very young, the grandparents may volunteer or be asked if they would like to babysit occassionally, which usually is appreciated by all concerned.

However, once the child`s mother returns to the work place, a whole new set of planning is required.

Who is going to look after this young child whilst parents are at work?

Nursery and child minding facilities are available but are extremely expensive.

Some families can afford live in help, but they are in the minority.

Now for the dilemma!

Should either set of grand parents make themselves  available to look after the child or children in order to allow the parents to work outside the home?

Many will jump at the chance as feel it is a privelage to be involved with their grandchild`s upbringing and love being hands on.

They may have volunteered to do this or been asked by the child`s parent(s) if they would be able to lend a hand.

 Fun  time  with Grandma!

Looking after a young child from toddler stage upwards is demanding and is often dependent on the temperament of the child.

Some are happy and placid and are a joy to interract with, whilst it has to be said, some are holy terrors, with temper tantrums and are general mischief makers.

Behaviour like the latter can be very exhausting for the child`s parents, but even more so for  grandparents, particularly on a daily basis.

A  realistic approach has to be taken. The whole idea of grandparents providing childcare, is to be an acceptable solution to parent work schedule, and also have quality time with grand  child.

There is no point in  a situation building up and  becoming so stressful that it impacts on the health of the grandparent(s)  just because they feel it is their duty to help out and allow the parents to work.

It is also important to work out a system if both sets of grandparents are involved, as not  everyone shares the same ideas on delivering childcare.

Payment is also a common issue.

Usually the whole reason for family involvement is to save money on the huge nursery fees.

Some grandparents wouldn`t hear of taking payment, but realistically, a grandparent will spend many hours per week in a situation which can be tiring and prevents them from pursuing some time for themselves, so a system which can at least generate a few pounds per week seems a sensible  arrangement.

If actual money changing hands is an issue, many parents make sure the grandparents are rewarded by perhaps organizing a holiday for them, or regular dining out, to show their appreciation and prevent their parents from feeling taken for granted.

In addition to child minding, a grandparent may be asked if they can become involved in cooking and housework.

Some may do this voluntarily, but it can very quickly escalate into a full time job, so payment for this scenario should be considered, bearing in mind the outside cost of domestic help and childcare.

On the other side of the coin, are the grandparents who do not wish to be tied down by child care.

It doesn`t mean that they do not love their own children and grandchildren any less, but feel they have brought up their own family and now wish to enjoy their retirement and any plans they might have.

They may help out occasionally, but are not committed to a regular placement.

 Grandpas have lots of patience!

There is no obligation for grandparents to give up retiral  or free time in order to allow their children to pursue careers, but many feel guilty, as obviously they want their children to earn well in order to afford a family lifestyle, so are happy to step in and help.

It also encourages a good bond between grandparents and grandchild which is a positive thing to have.

However, many grandparents take the view that their children have taken the decision to have children, so have to figure out a way to look after them.

There are many parents of children who would love to stay at home with their youngsters as they may  miss many milestones of their development, but feel pressure to work in order to generate enough income to pay the bills.

There is no one answer to the childcare dilemma, although better and more affordable childcare options would certainly help.

There are plusses and minuses and no two families are the same, but with a bit  of realistic discussion as to what is required, and the possible availability  of grandparents, there is no reason why a system which benefits everyone can`t be established.